Sunday, January 30, 2005

Elections In Iraq

So I guess the Iraqi elections were a rousing success because only like 30 people were blown up. That's cool. Good luck with that.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

No On Brother Al

Not that it matters what I say, but I heartily endorse The "No On Gonzales" Petition that is floating about on Daily Kos.

It would be criminal to allow this to go through without a fight. Democrats must fight this now. Not when it blows up in our faces. Not six months before the midterm elections. Now. Now. Now.

And now an appalling lack of laziness and my unwillingness to use html!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


Why does everyone miss the point?

Sunday, January 16, 2005


We apologize for the silence you have been presently finding here at 3P. There are numerous factors but mostly we are depressed. Politics and life have become to soul crushing to even read about lately, much less add our own commentary to it.

The way things are done is creating a maelstrom of our collective hearts, an agonizing feeling of uselessness, and definite bouts of intensely powerful apathy.

Things that have been pissing me off lately include but are not limited to-

-Armstrong Williams becoming a public schill for the administration and No Child Left Behind

-This fake ass witchhunt non story about Markos Zuniga of Daily Kos and Jerome Armstrong working for Howard Dean (even though WE ALREADY KNEW THEY WERE YOU DUMB LIBERAL MEDIA!)

-Iyad Allawi's declaration that "pockets" of Iraqis won't be able to vote in the upcoming elections, when "pockets" of course refers to millions of people

-Democrats in the "Fainthearted Faction" regarding Social Security (you can thank Josh Marshall for that brilliant alliteration). Two words apply. FUCKING. PUSSIES.

-Tom Ridge, Mr. I'm About To Not Be The Fake Ass Homeland Security Director saying the US should not rule out torture. I'm not a policy expert by any stretch, but let me give you some free advice. Honestly, US government, I won't even charge you for this nugget. DON'T TORTURE ANYONE. There. You heard it here first.

-Alberto Gonzales inevitably at Justice, surely he won't decloak that statue of that blind justice bitch either

-Tucker Carlson being ousted from CNN doesn't bother me, but Robert Novak still being allowed to call himself a journalist is just about the most ridiculous thing I can think of. Come to think of it, that would be true if this wasn't the same world where G. Gordon Liddy, former BURGULAR wasn't a respected pundit of some kind and Oliver North, former war criminal, didn't have his own show on Fox Fucking News.

-God, see this is only off the top of my head. There are so many things. On top of that I've been in a dangerously pensive mood lately.

The point is, the state of the world right now is not inspiring me to be happy about practically ANYTHING.

And I've not yet seen evidence that these Democrats in this Congress will be anything different than Tom Daschle and Dick Gephardt's Democrats in the aftermath of 9/11 and beyond.

Here's hoping Nancy Pelosi, and more importantly Harry Reid are made of sterner stuff.

I miss Harry Truman and Bobby Kennedy, I miss William the Marshal, I miss the guy who stood in front of the tanks at Tiananmen Square, I miss Optimus Prime, I miss everyone who had the guts to say what need to be said and could follow through with the deeds that had to be done. I miss heroes. Where have they all gone.

Probably the same place the cowboys have gone.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

The Left Is To Blame For Everything

Yesterday the new Congress met and generally there was happiness and good feelings.

But then today happened!

I'm glad to see that partisan bickering is set to resume and that for four more years we will be privy to ridiculous arguments that fillibuster progress time and time again. The glacial pace of the Senate and House will be a fun change up from that exciting Presidential race between the smirking idiot and the grinning boring guy!

Today Democrats, notably those elite North Easterners Joe Biden, Teddy Kennedy, and Patrick Leahy all grilled Alberto Gonzales at his confirmation hearing for Attorney General. Patrick Leahy, who is infamous for being sworn at by Dick Cheney and coming from the same state as Howard Dean, was generally the most cogent and sense making of the three. He seems like a sweet articulate old man. And you know my love for sweet old men.

The children of Alberto Gonzales, who were at the confirmation hearing, must have left thinking their father was the number one fan or torture in the world, which is ludicrous, no one has suggested that. Honestly! We are just suggesting he thinks the President has the power to dispense whatever laws he wants due soley to the fact that he is the President, torture laws and all!

Teddy Kennedy sure is one cantakerous fuck! His jowls are amazing. He spoke with some heat about the nominee's lack of speaking up and speaking out about certain inhumane practices. I could see Alberto Gonzales clam up and want to shout back, "Aren't you the guy who tried to cover up manslaughter for ten hours and shift the blame to a Kennedy crony?" I think anyone who is ever on the receiving end of any of Teddy's tirades feels the urge.

And Joe Biden! The guy who wanted to strangle John Aschcroft for all the world to see, somehow has developed a severe man-crush on Alberto Gonzales. I'm not sure how this has happened. But it's weirding me out. Maybe we are making too much of a fuss out of this guy. Maybe he really is legit. Maybe torture is the new thing, like Pogs, or Magic the Gathering. I wouldn't bet on it, but I didn't bet on anyone outside the garage rockers of Sweden ever liking the Hives.

Stranger things have and will continue to happen.

Stupid "quaint" Geneva Convention.

An open Letter To The ACLU

**this was originally posted on livejournal/astrotrain, but was recently censored by the astrotrain editorial board. this is probably more appropriate here, as it relates to at least two of the four p's**

Dear American Civil Liberties Union,

I'm starting to regret having joined your organization.

Don't get me wrong, I really love the work that the ACLU does.

Let me explain:

I joined the ACLU because I really wanted to support your organization, and I thought that having a membership card in my wallet would be pretty snazzy.

My first disappointment came when I finally got my membership card about three months after handing over my twenty bucks. Not only was it printed on regular flimsy paper-stock, but it was much larger than the standard card size, meaning I couldn't even keep it in my wallet! What the fuck is this, a miniature membership certificate?? When hot sluts look through the cards in my wallet I want them to be impressed by my being an ACLU member, tempting them to give me oral sex. How the fuck is an ACLU membership card going to help me get oral sex if there isn't a convenient way for me to carry it around?

The next disappointment came in on a steady daily basis. I appear to now be on a charity "sucker list" as someone who financially supports social causes. Of course I would love to donate money to Planned Parenthood and Doctors Without Borders -- these are really great organizations that do great things, but I'm fucking poor and can't afford to support them right now.

This is not only obnoxious but also counter productive.

Even though these solicitations are being sent out by "bulk mail", the charity collecting community has spent far more money trying to get donations out of me than what I have actually donated, meaning that by giving the ACLU $20 I am actually taking away from the pool of organizations I would like to be supporting! I mean, shit guys, I have a fucking internet connection and know that these organizations have websites. I promise to support them once I can, but right now it just isn't going to happen! Its been months, your computers should have realized that I wasn't giving me any more money and cut me off the mailing lists by now.

I still really appreciate your looking after the first amendment and putting up a fight when people want to take our freedoms away. Your hearts are in the right place, but you're just fucking morons. I hope you find ways to quit being so stupid.

I have a few ideas to help you collect money in non-bonehead ways. Here's one: You know how a lot of credit card companies have "cash back" incentives returning 1% or so of a card-holders purchases? What if you made an ACLU branded credit card that had a cash-back feature, but donated the cash-back to your organization instead of the card-holder? This would let your supporters donate money to your organization without having to adjust their shopping habits, and it would act as a status symbol allowing your supporters to carry one less card to carry in their wallets, making it far easier to impress slutty bitches and get blowjobs. There is a really hot slut working at whole foods, with an ACLU credit-card I could totally stuff that bitch!

There are plenty of other great ideas where that came from incase you want to offer me a job.

But don't feel too bad about yourselves. On the bright side, you aren't nearly as obnoxious or retarded as PETA.


Tuesday, January 04, 2005

New Years

I went to a strange New Years party a few days ago. Not strange in the Doctor Strange sense, or in the, "I really don't like all these strange Persians" sense, though there were many Persians in attendence, and I would frankly be surprised if at least a few of them weren't strange. I brought Joey and his girlfriend, who argued a lot, which was unpleasant and awkward. The older Persian folks laughed and danced and were Persian. The second group consisted of multi-ethnic teens and twentysomethings, many of whom had never met one another, at least face to face (MySpace you'll be the death of my entire generation). Finally there was quite a large contingent of little children running around, they were always underfoot.

High lights include weird cameos by Jeff Martin, David Davis, Jeremy Ventuso, Mike Yakel, and David Leventhal. The plethora of food should also be mentioned, and Shereen's amazing tap dancing skills. Watching a clash of cultures in progress is infinitely easier with tapping involved. Which is why they should keep a tap dancer on the West Bank at all times, assuming people still think that is a culture clash worthy of tapping (I don't, really).

The countdown was abrupt and none of the kids got trashed. I was tired as hell and only half enjoying myself. My suiteheart was the hostess and didn't have much time for me. On the other hand, she is pretty. So it is all gravy, as they say.

The party culminated with me giving her mom the gangsta handshake, the apex of which being the "pounding of the rock". It certainly showed me how cool she was, though apparently to her I am "shy" and "insecure" and she fears for me, fears that her daughter will end up playing with my emotions and ultimately breaking my heart. That is funny on more levels than I'd like to get into on Three P.

By the way, during the countdown someone started chanting "Four more years! Four more years!" and I was like, "Yeah, four more years of Bush and Iran will be in real good shape you crazy cocksucker!"

Actually, I only said that in my mind.

Where I say a lot of things.

At the strike of midnight I called a lot of people to wish them a glorious 2005. I called in no particular order Bob, Avi, David, Daniela, Natalie, Veronica, Michelle, Jake, Max, Clare, Richard, Andrea, pretty much anybody who is anybody in my life. With the exception of Mike, cause I hate him now. I hate him like Hutus hate Tutsis. I hate him like the Replacements hate Public Image Ltd.

The other P's

We have been talking about politics a lot lately, but for a blog called "3P" (that really should be called 4P" but isn’t just because "3P" sounds a lot cooler), there hasn't been much talk of punk rock, parties, or pussy.

While these are subjects that my cohort and I are both top experts in, the punk/pussy/party scene doesn’t have much in the way of "current events" that are well suited for blog posting.

To rectify this problem, I've decided to open this up to you, the reader, as a public service in the form of a re-occurring advice column.

Post any questions you have on any of these neglected P's as comments on this blog entry, and we will provide well thought out solutions to your queries.

Rupert Murder

P.S. My friend Mike came up with the Rupert Murder name, and I didn't ask him for permission to use it because I'm a jackass! Good thing nobody reads this...

Lifetime Detentions for Terror Suspects - WITHOUT TRIAL

Administration officials are preparing long-range plans for indefinitely imprisoning suspected terrorists whom they do not want to set free or turn...

I found this article on Reuters a few days back (which references this Washington Post article that is subscribers only), and figured it would be front-page news (sorry I forgot how Bush-whipped our journalists are for a minute there) a major story on political blogs all over the net. To my surprise it wasn't touched by Kos or Marshal or even Drum, so I'll grope the fuck out of that shit right now.

The article basically says that about 500 suspected terrorists are being held at Guantanamo Bay, and though there isn't enough evidence of their guilt for any sort of trial or military tribunal, our fearless leaders want to hold them prisoner forever.

No due process. No evidence. No trial. They are just in jail for life.

You would think that all the torture filled interrogation sessions endured by these prisoners would have given our solders something to charge them with, just a shred of evidence to suggest they were involved with terror related activities (which I'm sure happened with some of the prisoners not on this "list of 500" that aren't being brought to trial).

The really sad thing is that if these men weren’t into terrorism going in, I can't imagine them thinking twice about it now that they have very personal and real reasons for hating Americans, and no reason to trust us at all in any way.

I wish I knew more about the Japanese interment camps of World War Two so I could compare and contrast, but I'm sadly ignorant (so please leave some comments on the subject if you know anything).

Sunday, January 02, 2005


Bad day for members of the House of Representatives past and present.

Bob Matsui and Shirley Chisolm both passed on from this existence and are now wherever we go when our bodies stop being alive, which I suspect is the same place caribous and spiders go after they die.

Bob Matsui endured the wrongful (unless your name is Michelle Malkin) internment of Japanese Americans during World War II, an act which continues to tarnish Franklin Roosevelt to this very day. He rose above all that bullshit to become a member of the House and was apparently ready and willing to fight Bush, Republicans, and the chickenshit Democrats on their brilliant Privatization of Social Security plan. He will be missed.

Chisolm was the first African American woman voted to the House and that was only one of the amazing things she did with her life. The anecdote that chokes me up was during the 1972 Presidential Primaries right after arch-segregationist George Wallace was shot and she visited him in the hospital despite knowing it would create a controversy among her followers, most of whom loathed Wallace. She told him quite simply that she didn't care what people said, that she didn't want what happened to him to happen to anybody. The was the man who once chanted to cheering white constiuents "Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, and segregation forever!" He looked at her, and in her own words, "he cried and cried".