Thursday, January 06, 2005

The Left Is To Blame For Everything

Yesterday the new Congress met and generally there was happiness and good feelings.

But then today happened!

I'm glad to see that partisan bickering is set to resume and that for four more years we will be privy to ridiculous arguments that fillibuster progress time and time again. The glacial pace of the Senate and House will be a fun change up from that exciting Presidential race between the smirking idiot and the grinning boring guy!

Today Democrats, notably those elite North Easterners Joe Biden, Teddy Kennedy, and Patrick Leahy all grilled Alberto Gonzales at his confirmation hearing for Attorney General. Patrick Leahy, who is infamous for being sworn at by Dick Cheney and coming from the same state as Howard Dean, was generally the most cogent and sense making of the three. He seems like a sweet articulate old man. And you know my love for sweet old men.

The children of Alberto Gonzales, who were at the confirmation hearing, must have left thinking their father was the number one fan or torture in the world, which is ludicrous, no one has suggested that. Honestly! We are just suggesting he thinks the President has the power to dispense whatever laws he wants due soley to the fact that he is the President, torture laws and all!

Teddy Kennedy sure is one cantakerous fuck! His jowls are amazing. He spoke with some heat about the nominee's lack of speaking up and speaking out about certain inhumane practices. I could see Alberto Gonzales clam up and want to shout back, "Aren't you the guy who tried to cover up manslaughter for ten hours and shift the blame to a Kennedy crony?" I think anyone who is ever on the receiving end of any of Teddy's tirades feels the urge.

And Joe Biden! The guy who wanted to strangle John Aschcroft for all the world to see, somehow has developed a severe man-crush on Alberto Gonzales. I'm not sure how this has happened. But it's weirding me out. Maybe we are making too much of a fuss out of this guy. Maybe he really is legit. Maybe torture is the new thing, like Pogs, or Magic the Gathering. I wouldn't bet on it, but I didn't bet on anyone outside the garage rockers of Sweden ever liking the Hives.

Stranger things have and will continue to happen.

Stupid "quaint" Geneva Convention.


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